I have been following your story for a long time on this forum. Fear and guilt only serve to block our path to recovery, I think it's good that you recognize individual autonomy in your experiences and that you own your own behavior and allow D to own his. We have all made mistakes, not a single one of us can say we have never done anything we regret, I too had to forgive myself and move on from the ways in which I contributed to my sister's addiction. To do otherwise would keep us both trapped down in that black hole.
Your experience sounds intense, I've never visited my sister or other family in jail. I'm glad you had the strength to share your story here.