"I will limit myself to saying once again that husbands in our faith are called to love their wives as Christ loves the human race, and D has failed at this many many many times, but in this one particular season of our lives. He did."
That blows me away. My faith also says to love. But just because your husband has failed many times, does that mean it's ok for him to take the fall for you. You said you are on the balcony enjoying your freedom and you feel no guilt while your H is in jail hoping he doesn't screw up so God can take him to heaven. Whoa girlfriend. That's messed up.