Thank you all for the wonderful welcome here! Lots of great things were said and I appreciate all of the help put out towards me.
Today will be my first sober day and my hopes of many more to follow. It's hard today, what with it being Thanksgiving and all. I've always said I can typically (usually.. kind of) control picking up a drink in the first place. The problem lies therein after I pick it up, that I cannot seem to put it down. Complete and total loss of control. It makes me wonder if this control issue is a part of other aspects of my life. Probable.
As far as AA goes, I live in a populous city and I know there will be many options in regards to which one I will like. I just need to do it. I have always seemed to lack some sort of motivation for years. I do not have that driving force as intensely as I see it in close friends. I wonder to myself if this has anything to do with my drinking. Again, probable.
Someone mentioned that I have hate inside of me. I'm not sure how much I agree with that, if any. For several years after leaving my parents house I had some very intense anger issues and I would definitely mask them with drinking. Currently though, I have learned much about forgiveness and love. I haven't mastered them by any means, but I have come a long way. I have moments of anger towards my family (usually when I'm drunk), but overall I try my hardest to expell love into the universe. I think discontinuing my drinking will help with this also. I'm a firm believer in the idea of everything happening for a reason. Behind all of the choices we make day in and day out, there are always lessons to be learned. I am still learning and trying to remember that the past cannot be changed and the future doesn't exist yet, but that this present moment is all we ever really have. I just want to give it my best and make sure I treat each moment special. I made a dedication to myself yesterday, shortly after vomiting from the night before, that I will try my best to stay sober. I have to try. So with that being said, Sober Life here I come!
Happy Holiday's all!