Originally Posted by
crazybritters 
Why do I feel so scared? Why do I feel like living a sober life sounds absolutely terrible? I want to stop drinking. I want to be healthy. I want to truly love myself and forgive myself for all that has been said and done. I want to look at myself in the mirror and be happy with what I see. Where does one even start to change their life?
Welcome! Thank you so much for being so open and honest. You are a wonderful writer and I can sense a gentle soul in you just from your post.
While our circumstances are quite different I understand EXACTLY how it feels to be sick and tired of drinking to oblivion and the consequences it causes but also being terrified of living without alcohol. My first "rock bottom" moment was when I couldn't imagine life with alcohol or without it.
As to where to start to change your life, you already have! Posting to and reading here on SR is a great start. You said you liked the AA meeting you went to; I suggest going to more. AA saved my life when I first got sober. I suggest going to a few different meetings as they can vary quite a bit. There are all kinds of different meetings including beginner's meetings, women's meetings, and LGBT meetings. Tell the people at a couple meetings that you are new and there should be plenty of volunteers to help you get oriented.