We went through this recently when our daughter returned from 70 days of treatment. It was very difficult at first. My husband and I didn't want to do anything to upset her and we knew she was still fragile and working things out.
We "walked on egg shells" for about a week and then I said "no more." After the about the 15th time of coming downstairs in the morning to find her dirty dishes in the sink, shoes and coat tossed where ever it was taken off, I hit the roof! (I am not proud of this considering she is 23 yrs old) but I blew.
You know what she did? She smiled and said "Well hello mom, I'm glad you're back!" Since then we gotten into a routine and she's learned that she isn't living on her own any more and doesn't have the structure of rehab.
I suggest, that before she comes home, request a meeting between you, your wife, and her counselor. Start the conversation with...what are you expectations? Especially with the kids. How will you handle it if they don't welcome you with open arms? What does she think her daily routine will be? Will she move back into doing the "chores" she did before she left?
Then move onto your expectations, where do you stand if she relapses? Does she need to leave immediately? (that was our rule). Do you want her to attend meetings? How will she get there? How many per week?
It might sound like a stilted conversation (and it is) but it is better to get it out in the open with someone qualified to mediate the conversation BEFORE she comes home. If her rehab is too far from home for you to do this in person, then do a phone counseling session.
We had a contract about the "drinking", the meetings, the relapse. But no one ever told us to get out in the open the day to day crap that annoys people and usually starts them on a relapse path. And her kids being upset with her and withholding emotions is something she needs to be prepared for. Good luck.