I'm back here because it is my only viable option. When I start drinking, I don't stop for a couple days, it's terrible. Yesterday I was hungover, confused, irritable, and felt terrible. I drank two beers, with shaky hands, and then two more at the airport, followed by a glass of wine on the plane. I'm sure I wreaked of booze on the overseas flight as I battled withdrawal and insomnia. I had to use the bathroom so many times that at one point the flight attendants checked after me, probably to see if I was smoking or something. I was a mess. At home now and trying to pick up the pieces if my broken life. I have so far been lying to my wife who thinks I kept my sobriety in check this weekend. I don't want to burden her but she's suspicious I'm sure. I called my mom in tears from the airport yesterday. I didn't go into details but I feel like I want to tell her I'm an alcohol abuser and I can't completely kick it. I have been trying to get sober for almost 12 months now and I manage to quit but can't quit these binges when I'm out of town. I have to go to these meetings as often as once per month. I just have to learn to go and not drink or head out to the bar with the gang. It's funny, there was a guy at this meeting who recently gave up drinking and seems as though he's doing great. I should have asked him about it. I'm envious.
I gave in to alcohol on Thursday night. It was just me and one other co-worker, we were walking around the city, I was feeling very uncomfortable about my sobriety and essentially recommended grabbing a beer, almost forcing the issue. I brought it on myself...after all my efforts to get sober, this just doesn't make any sense. We had two beers that night in total and I had a hangover the entire next day, I guess since I'm not used to it anymore. Then Friday night, we went out and I had 5-6 beers and got tipsy. Saturday I started drinking at 3:30pm and then drank for 10-12hrs. Sunday, drank all day. Monday had five drinks total. Today, nothing. And that's the story, another binge...
Sorry for the rant. Thanks for listening and welcoming me back. And so the cycle begins again.