Thanks to all who responded. Your words do help me, but try as I might, I can't stop obsessing over everything. I'm doing a lot better than I was and know it'll all blow over eventually, but right now I'm still feeling like crap...just what he wants. I agree with the poster who said it's not the amount one drinks, but I have to tell you that there's no doubt in my mind that he's an alcoholic. He drank from the minute he got home from work (when he did work) until 1 or 2 in the morning. I said 12+ beers because I honestly don't know the true number. That was just an estimate. Anyone who sits in a garage and drinks and drinks and can't do much of anything else in my opinion is an alcoholic. He may have drank them slowly...who knows?...I stopped counting them years ago when it was affecting me really badly.
Anyway, I found a good attorney and am going to file for divorce as soon as I get my retirement money in the mail. It sucks that I have to withdraw that for such a painful thing, but it has to be done. I have to say that I actually feel lucky that HE left ME. I know I would never have left him because I have this sick loyalty to him and marriage in general. It's really stupid because I've always heard that divorce is something that should be undertaken if any of the three As are present: Addiction, Abuse, or Adultery. I had at least 2 of them and God only knows if the third one was present. I honestly don't know at this point and dwelling on that will just drive me nuts.
I'll keep you guys posted on my progress. I hope the rest of you are doing well today! Thanks again for your very insightful responses. I appreciate it very much!