Originally Posted by
Ptcapote 
Meiha, welcome and so sorry you went through that. What everyone else here is saying, especially as regards AA, is good advice.
As far as those feelings of guilt and shame... believe me, I know how you feel. But here's the thing, it is those feelings exactly that will keep you where you are and likely lead you to drink again. This is the nasty cycle of alcoholism and, if you let it, it will keep you there forever.
There is absolutely nothing you can do about the past. You cannot go back and take the fact that you drank away so fixating on it is only doing one thing: letting your disease win and live to fight another day. You are NOT a bad person. You have a drinking problem. That's it. You got eight months and now you can and will do it again.
Step out of that nasty cycle. Do something physical or whatever it takes to get you out of your head for awhile. Then go to AA and start again knowing that you learned something this time and are back stronger than ever.
But every moment you spend ruminating on the fact that you drank is one more coin you're sticking into the coffers of your AV to cash in on in the future. Don't put any more energy there.
It's done. You are going to come back much, much stronger now.
Thank you so much for this, there are some real jewels in there that I can cling to. Does anybody else feel like they're great at giving advice but bad at receiving it? I know the things I'd tell a fellow alkie if they relapse, and yet I can't seem to take my own advice. I have a day sober again, and I have a meeting to go to tonight, I'm also taking my baby for a walk today to sweat some of this crap out. It's pouring down here and my motivation isn't exactly through the roof, but I know I need to get out and walk. It's good for my body and my mind - the latter is chocka full of stinking thinking still. I have to admit that I haven't told my sponsor yet - about this weekend or last, the fear of her reaction is debilitating. Yet I know that I have to, the shame is eating me up. It's my pride, my ego getting in the way again. I really thought i WAS different - so stupid! I've watched so many relapse and I guess I have to admit that I thought I was better because I didn't. Ugh, I hate admitting that but it's the truth. Now of course, I feel WORSE than all of them because not only have I lapsed TWICE in a week, I can't get honest enough to admit my weakness. Man this sucks!!!