Patty, At one time or another, all of us here, have sugarcoated and swept all the unacceptable behavior under the rug. It's what this disease is.
Currently, she cannot love herself or give love to another, she consumed in her addiction, again it's what this disease is.
I know you are hurting today, I believe it really helps to get it all out, so keep talking, we are listening, and we care, ( ( Hugs))