Meggem, your anger is vibrating through my computer and I can completely, utterly empathize with you because I have been going through the same thing myself.
I work full time too. My kids are 8 and 5. I know the frenzy of picking up the kids, making them dinner, bathing them, making sure their teeth are brushed, homework is done, there are clean clothes for tomorrow, reading to them and tucking them in.. It leaves you breathless. My AH hasn't been helping much at all either. He finally did the dishes. Probably because there were no clean ones for him to eat off of after he dirtied all of them.
Before my AH went back to work (before he was fired from the job on Monday) this past summer, he was a full time stay at home dad. This was prior to him relapsing and while AH was working a program, sponsoring people, etc. he still expected me to do that stuff even though that WAS HIS JOB. i was working full time outside the house to support us. i have always been the primary breadwinner. King baby never goes away with some people. Now that he has relapsed he says stupid b.s. when I ask him to pitch in like "now you see what it is like for me when you don't do anything. I'm teaching you a lesson". He hasn't said that in a while and I would entertain thoughts of homicide if he did.
Your husband and mine. their behavior, in large part, has some to do with A or RA behavior but a lot to do with being a selfish jerk. They cannot nor should not skate with " but I need to focus on my recovery." An alcoholic, drinking or not, can do all those things and be helpful. Heck, I'm a double winner. I've posted on here that I relapsed in August. I've been sober full time for 8 days now. Despite actively drinking I was doing all the things you describe doing that your supposedly in recovery AH is not helping you with. Someone may disagree with me but even if you are fully dedicated to your recovery, you can still bathe the kids. Or mow the lawn. Being in recovery does not give you a free pass to get treated like a delicate wilting flower who will rush out the door on the path to wrack and ruin if confronted with a broom and dust pan.
Just my opinion. I hope the steam has escaped before your head pops. I have felt that way more than once. In fact, writing here tonight has been therapeutic. I want to say that the more I do it all on my own with him under the same roof, I realize, like someone earlier posted, that I can and am strong enough to do it all without him under the roof. It may suck now but it shows our strength. Hugs!