Des,
You are just fine and there is no way I would ever call you stupid. You want to believe that things can change and that is noble. You want to give the benefit of the doubt and that is gracious.
Get the support you need that speaks the truth-
You are precious, you are important, you are cherished, and you are loved.
The memory of the situation will fade and so will the embarrassment that you currently feel. You don't have to feel bad because there is no way that HIS ACTIONS are your fault. If you picked up his hand and made it grab the beer or used his fingers to type cruel texts then fine but otherwise HIS ACTIONS are HIS FAULT.