Wow I'm so sorry to see that you experience the exact same frustration I do with my mom. I honestly had no idea there were so many people out there that could relate!
Is NPD narcissistic personality disorder? That's my mom, and I was/am the scapegoat of the family. She's also the main A of the family.
It boils my blood to read her email to you. I feel your pain acutely!
Once my mom "accidentally" included me on an email thread between her and my sisters, and she was expressing her "fear" about my younger sister coming to visit me. It was just weeks after my father had passed away and she had already told me to "get over it" when I called for emotional support. Then this email expressed that she couldn't "even imagine what would happen if (I) got angry," expressing that she couldn't allow my sister to risk being around me in my state, as I might hurt her. Ahem.... I'm not the one in the family that flies into a rage and hurts people. She "accidentally" let me see all of them talking behind my back during one of the most painful times in my life.
And no, no one came to visit, and no one was there for me. Then, my husband left me because he didn't like how I was acting. My family (mother especially) left me to simmer, and only started speaking to me when things were "better" for me, when I wasn't going to make things "difficult" for them.
So, screw those jerks you are related to!! They should be welcoming you home with open arms and taking care of you. Not treating you like this.
What can you do to distance yourself? Jeez - can you move??