I have learned from my now dead marriage that just because bad things have happened, they won't just stop happening, like we're not all allotted a specific amount of horrible in our lives. Now it's comical and I know things aren't controllable. I'm like you, I'm a planner and being married to an rah, now ah again, is the worst marriage situation for me. My friends say to me all the time joking or not, let go and let god. Eventually you get beaten down enough that you just don't care about control as much.