So it's 4:36 in the morning and I'm lying awake, crying. Can't sleep.
My heart is breaking to pieces.
I confessed to my mother that I dread family holidays due to so much stress and worry over what my sisters will do this time. Will sister1 be threatening to leave and go kill herself again? Will there be another year where sister 1 kicks my mother in the gut? Will sister2 get in yet another car accident? (she gets in several a year) What's going to happen THIS time?
My mother, for some inexplicable reason then TELLS this to my sisters?
WTH???
Predictably, my drug addled sisters are now "very hurt" per my mother.
I then get a series of ranting angry emails from sister2 (the one who's shenanigans caused my parents to cut their vacation short and pay 2k to come home early) saying she's the only one who cares about them and that because of me, my father's upcoming b-day get-together is cancelled.
My mother tells me sister2 "is bang on"
!!!!! Is my mother for real? I'm in disbelief.
And mom also once again insinuated a lack of caring on my part due to my travel plans (we're leaving next summer to travel for minimum 1 year) The guilt trips are killing me.
I am expected to stand by and suffer as I watch my sisters self-destruct... supposed to let it destroy me too I suppose... supposed to suck it up for my psrent's sake... supposed to be strong enough to take this stress.
BUT I CAN'T DO THIS. I cannot handle it and feel like it will send me over the edge. I am falling apart. It's bad enough what goes on with my sisters but to feel like my parents would take their side over mine on THIS! It's almost more than I can take.
Frig. It's 5:01 a. m now, I've had 4 hours sleep and have to get up for work in 2 hours... sigh. Just can't sleep though...