Sad and Tired
I am going through a lot right now. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years because I am trying to better my life and he is an alcoholic. He's tried to contact me and both times I called him back his roommate said he was in the hospital-1st for cutting himself and today for not eating for 3 days and being really depressed. He tends to get depressed pretty easily and I do too so I empathize, but I got on medication and take it everyday and am graduating college next year and feel like I have my life pretty much on track and he doesn't. Some part of me feels guilty that hes suffering so much because of me. I know its not my fault, but I also know that he could feel better if I just call him and tell him I still love him. I don't want to do that though because I don't want to lead him on (I want to move on with my life) and because I want him to hit rock bottom so he will hopefully get sober and be the man hes supposed to be. Its just hard because I've always been there for him and now I'm not and hes in the hospital. Also, another added part to it is that he owes me $2000 and I called him tonight to ask him about it and that's when I found out he was in the hospital so that made me feel like a piece of crap for caring about money when hes really depressed. I guess its just really hard for me right now not only because of him but my issues with myself and the uncertainty I feel about my own talents and abilities. My identity has been tied up in him for 4 years and now I don't really know what to do with myself. I keep hearing that time heals all and I'm hoping it does.