NancyEllen,
I don't have much in the way of help. But can i just say I feel your pain and frustration. I hope your brother will get help, and that this has put enough fear into his heart to want to change.
Be sure to take care of you. I wish we could make them well, but you know by now that it has to be their desire.
Sending prayers for your brother and for you. People do quit, and recover. I pray he will be one of them.
hugs
chicory