kathy -
I am sorry for the pain you are feeling.
Have you thought about or do you attend alanon meetings? I am a recoverying A myself with some major codependent issues. Meetings, NA meetings for me, saved my life. I have been blessed to have a few years clean now and still attend meetings. This site is great for support in addition to face to face meetings.
you should focus on you, not him. He is going to do what he is going to do, I did! But what about you? what you you doing for you?
I know that it is easy for me to say, but you have to put yourself first, what you getting out of this relationship?
please keep posting, we are all here to support and help each other.