Hiya...I'm doing just great thanks. I'm coming to a bit of a decision...that it's time to stop beating myself up. I carry an awful lot of guilt around with me and sometimes it just gets a little too heavy. I have guilt over my parents and what I 'should' be doing, I have guilt over my kids and what I 'should' have been in the past. I have guilt over my husband and how I 'should' be more accepting but actually what I feel is huge resentment. I have the burden of trying to maintain my perfect family life and work career. My job is hugely stressful and I feel I let people down every day by trying to be everything to everyone....and it's exhausting.
I think I'm (finally!), coming to the conclusion that I need to stop trying to manage all this.
As soon as I let go a little, and meditation is helping so much with this, I start to relax. And it's at those times when I naturally start eating better, looking to exercise and generally looking after myself. I'm not an emotional binge eater, I'm one who uses food to punish herself, and I guess I always have. Busy stressful days mean I don't eat at all, and when I do, it's just rubbishy stuff. I'm addicted to sugar and the rush it gives, so, although I haven't broken my Big Plan, I will just seek it out in other forms.
So....it's a change of thought patterns, of being more realistic in my expectations of myself, and learning that's it's ok to feel exactly what I do without beating myself up about it.
I no longer wake up every day in anxiety. I have enormous gratitude for the things I have in my life, and I'm doing ok. Therapy is still hard, there are a lot of memories re-emerging via flashbacks which I'm trying to process and face up to.
But hey, I will get there. I feel better and stronger when I eat well and exercise. Looking after my mental and physical health need to go hand in hand to be most effective.
6 months without smoking now by the way...and I thought that was IMPOSSIBLE!! Ha!
Take care my friend. We are doing just fine. Learning and growing every day xxx