update - dating stinks and its me, not him...
After all that, he messaged me to tell me he was going to be 1/2 hr late, and I jumped all over that opportunity to cancel and "reschedule". The only reason was that I just didn't want to deal with it today. I feel tired. But then I immediately regretted it and offered to meet him for sushi next week instead. He hasn't responded. Sigh.
So, I immediately started beating on myself because I started thinking that I am keeping myself in the isolating rut I've been in, without the alcohol. Of course, then the AV kicked in and was like "you are in for the night! you might as well drink. Of I bet CP is around for a drink!"
I did not drink. But I'm in a weird place.
People keep talking about the phenomenon that relapse occurs a few days before we pick up the first drink. Can someone point me to some of those threads? I am now 10 days in and very tired today. Feeling less secure than I was and less resolve.