zoso77

I haven't done an original post in a long, long time. It's closing in on the two year anniversary of my AXGF taking her act on the road. In some ways, it feels like yesterday. In others, it feels like forever. And I'm very glad and grateful that she's gone.

I suppose in terms of getting on with my life, I've done extremely well. Coming here and reading all the posts in the wake of my breakup was a fortuitous event. Juggling a career and finishing a Masters in electrical and computer engineering is difficult, and I pulled that off this past May. My career has rebounded fully, and then some, after taking a hit that corresponded with my AXGF being in my life. In most ways, I'm better than ever.

But what's yet to heal fully is my heart.

Don't get me wrong. I do not long for her, or for anyone. But nearly two years after her leaving, my heart is closed shut. Tightly. I cannot imagine opening it. To love, or to be loved, in a romantic but mature and healthy way frankly scares the hell out of me because at this moment in time, I'm not capable of that kind of trust.

I have learned to seek my happiness from within. Most of the time, I find it. But as I get older, I sometimes question whether or not I really want to be alone. I wonder if I will ever fully heal.

ZoSo