If you've read some of my last posts you will know that I'm going through more or less the same thing; inasmuch as I've had to ditch the drinking friends in favor of my sobriety. Well, there's been fallout from that and it's tough, but you sure know who your real friends are!!
On the other point you ask, about moderating: you have achieved a remarkable and amazing step of 100-odd days. That is nothing short of gargantuan. Excellent. You can drink again, if you wish, it's your life, it's your choice. I'm just communicating to you exactly what happened to me; and that is each and every time I went out drinking again it was exactly the same. Actually, in fact, I'm always shocked at the astounding amount I can drink following a stretch of sobriety. I have at least 30-odd years of practise so I know what I'm talking about. It gets worse, all the horrors and hell are repeated again and again. Eventually, because of the natural aging process of the human body it takes less and less to get drunk, feel Ill etc, so to me there is no fun left. I sincerely and with all my heart do not hankering back to that life as "fun". To me I can't think of anything worse that could happen to me is have all that s..t back again. Every now and then I relive those hangover feelings ugh. The fights, the rows, the terrible terrible anxiety, paranoia, fear,. WNt would I chose to have that back. I can though, at any time. Take care