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101 days - unsure of a sober future

Old 11-06-2013, 02:05 PM
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101 days - unsure of a sober future

Well I am at 101 days sober - and the last few days have been rough.

I was doing so good the first 3 months; but the cravings have been hot and heavy this week.

I feel like "OK I did the sober thing, I feel better physically and mentally, maybe I can have some fun and drink in moderation". And when I say moderation I mean a few drinks once a week if I am out somewhere or something.

I have this wedding coming up Saturday - I have been dreading it for months and think that worrying about getting through the night sober is bringing on the cravings.

Well I am determined to stay the course - I will stay sober at the wedding - and hopefully these current feelings will go away after the wedding.

Next its the holidays, and I have 9 straight days off work at Christmas.......
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Old 11-06-2013, 02:36 PM
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Get busy doing stuff to keep your mind off of the "maybe I can have a couple in moderation" track. I made ten and a half months and then thought the same thing. Right back to where I left off.

If you are having anxiety about the wedding or drinking at the wedding, is there a possibility that you don't go? If you do go, do you have a plan as to what you will do if you feel an urge to drink? Things like having your own transportation so you don't have to stay if you feel uncomfortable and not having to rely on someone who is going to stay to the bitter, drunken end of the reception. Going to the ceremony but not the reception. Going to the reception but leaving after the dinner. That kind of stuff. It helps to make a plan. I know a guy who has four years sobriety and he didn't go to a wedding this past summer because he knew he shouldn't.

Keep posting here and go to meetings if you are going to meetings. The biggest step you took is to come on here and admitting that you are having these thoughts and concerns. For me, being honest about what I was feeling and could and couldn't do helped me overcome urges or at least ride the wave through them and not pick up a drink.

Good luck!
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Old 11-06-2013, 02:49 PM
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I had 3 months sober, from Oct. to Dec. of 2012. I listened to that nagging voice telling me I could drink in moderation. I progressed to every day, all day, within a month. I am now on day 5. Don't do it!!!
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Old 11-06-2013, 11:39 PM
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Stress is an issue for me. I am fine going to work, running through life and going to my meetings but when I get stressed about something, like that wedding, I start to feel emotional. I don't want to drink but I want to hide. I just want to ignore it like I have in the past.

This is when I talk to people. Just telling someone I am stressed and what I am stressed about helps. I had some stress last week and I told a couple people. They asked me how I was doing during the week and through text. It helps to know that others are thinking about us and are there if we need them.

A problem shared is a problem cut in half and I find that stress gets cut in half as well.

Make sure you have numbers on your phone when you are at that wedding and call if you have to. Make an early exit if you have to. Do anything you have to and even some stuff you don't want to.
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Old 11-06-2013, 11:59 PM
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100 days can be rough - it's long enough for us to feel good again...and it's also long enough for us to forget a lot of the bad stuff....It feels like we've been sober for.ev.er -

but it's a little too soon for all the good stuff that others tell us about to have kicked in.

You start to think 'huh...is this is it? is this as good as it gets?'...and the wheels start turning...

My advice is to think about it. You gave years to drinking...you've given 3 months to recovery.

It took me at least 3 months to notice that I was still thinking alcoholically a lot of the time even tho my last drink was 3 months ago.

Things will get exponentially faster from here tho Doug - the next 3 months tend to go pretty quick...breakneck quick if I remember rightly

When I would think 'maybe I can have some fun and drink in moderation" - and I did - I would sit myself down and say

self...drink again and there's at least a chance that all that bad stuff that nearly killed you could happen again...

We can quibble on the likelihood but the chance is there.

If we don't drink, and stay sober - there's no chance.

I clung to that some nights - it takes a little faith sometimes but you're doing the right thing.

If this is a wedding you have to go to - get a plan together. Now. Cover all the likely situations and temptations and have a strategy in place for them all.

Include an escape plan too - unless it's your own wedding, there's nothing that you need to be all night at if things get too difficult.

Have a good sober weekend. Have faith. Stay strong.
D
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Old 11-07-2013, 12:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Doug39 View Post
Well I am at 101 days sober - and the last few days have been rough.

I was doing so good the first 3 months; but the cravings have been hot and heavy this week.

I feel like "OK I did the sober thing, I feel better physically and mentally, maybe I can have some fun and drink in moderation". And when I say moderation I mean a few drinks once a week if I am out somewhere or something.

I have this wedding coming up Saturday - I have been dreading it for months and think that worrying about getting through the night sober is bringing on the cravings.

Well I am determined to stay the course - I will stay sober at the wedding - and hopefully these current feelings will go away after the wedding.

Next its the holidays, and I have 9 straight days off work at Christmas.......
I'm 59 days sober and feel the exact same way. I feel like a could be a normal once a week drinker, but I'm not sure if I ever could be. My thought pattern is the same though.
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Old 11-07-2013, 12:50 AM
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Towards the end of my drinking I couldn't last that long on my own, but the pattern was always the same. Stop drinking and my external world got better, turned up to work, felt better, ate some food, paid some bills- good progress you would think.

But pretty soon my internal world would start to fall apart and suddenly being sober was no fun, I was tense and anxious, couldn't get along with people, generally had trouble fitting in with the world, and then the pain of staying sober would exceed the benefits, so I would return to my old solution.

It wasn't until I found a way to treat that internal condition that I was able to manage permanent recovery.
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Old 11-07-2013, 01:21 AM
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101 days, still early days. I had the same intense cravings going to some events around this period, but you have to really dig in and grind it out . The event itself IMHO is always a cruise and very enjoyable when you get there without alcohol.

Think your deluding yourself about going back to moderating , it's trap to get you back into alcoHELL prison. Stay out, things get better and better.

Obsession/ slavery/ hangovers await if you go back.
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Old 11-07-2013, 03:49 AM
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Hi Doug, congratulations over 100 days! Yea! Don't think about what you are losing, think about what you are gaining. A better life. Sobriety is a reward, not a punishment. Best wishes.
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Old 11-07-2013, 03:57 AM
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101 days is awesome!

You know you can do this. You've been thinking about this wedding for a while now. Get out of your head and the thoughts of alcohol and put in motion the plan to not drink.

You CAN do this!
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Old 11-07-2013, 04:11 AM
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Thanks to everyone for your support, tips, and advice.

It is more than just this wedding - it is the fact that I can't live the lifestyle I was leading up until the end of 2009, which was a 40+ years lifestyle of doing what I wanted, eating and drinking what I wanted and not worrying about the consequences.

In early 2010 I started suffering from severe anxiety; upon going to the doctor I discovered my blood pressure was dangerously high, which increased my anxiety.

Over the last 3 years I have been on medications and trying to clean up my act but kicking alcohol was what I really needed to fix my mental and physical issues.

I now feel like I just exist and life isn't any fun; I can't indulge in any "bad behavior" in fear that it will hurt me so even if I did drink I wouldn't really enjoy it.

I am such a mess.
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Old 11-07-2013, 04:26 AM
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101 days is awesome Doug. You are in the early process of healing and ANY alcohol will interfere with that. You still have a lot of healing ahead of you so hold out a little longer however you have to do it.
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Old 11-07-2013, 11:08 AM
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Doug my anxiety, panic attacks bad sleep have all totally gone now since I stopped drugging with alcoHELL.
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Old 11-07-2013, 11:15 AM
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Every time I thought I could get away with drinking "moderately" after I had admitted my alcoholism, I ended up detoxing in the hospital worse off than the time before. I have no such illusions anymore. For me, to drink again would probably mean death.
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Old 11-07-2013, 11:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Doug39 View Post

I have this wedding coming up Saturday - I have been dreading it for months and think that worrying about getting through the night sober is bringing on the cravings.
once just short of three years sober
I drank at a wedding
was feeling uptight knowing next to no one there
should have stepped outside for a while
but
instead grabbed two bottles of dark Heineken beers

I think something to think about in advance might be
what to do while at the wedding
if the cravings get to be intense ??

MM
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Old 11-07-2013, 11:38 AM
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I was at a similar Milestone Doug last time. I'm also 39.
The more you stop and restart the more the detox is brutal, in my case at least.

Not worth it friend, now I'm stuck, no more sick leave at work for medical detox. I've been able to cut down my usual intake by half for the Last 2 days. The stupid terrible nightmares are so not worth it! In 5 days I will be at one beer, day 6 no Alchool. Back to day 1.

If I had not listened to that voice, I would have almost a year. But it's ok getting back on my feet. Bashing my head in won't do much ;-)
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Old 11-07-2013, 11:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob View Post
was feeling uptight knowing next to no one there
I have the opposite problem.

I will know most of the people at the wedding. Being a heavy drinker for the last 25 years, these people have never seen me at a social event sober.

I don't want to deal with questions about why I am not drinking and/or be a stick in the mud while everyone else is doing shots, making toasts and getting hammered.

I know I am building a lot of it up in my mind. I keep telling myself that this event is about the people getting married - no one really gives a $hit what I will be doing.
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Old 11-08-2013, 12:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Doug39 View Post
I have the opposite problem.

I will know most of the people at the wedding. Being a heavy drinker for the last 25 years, these people have never seen me at a social event sober.

I don't want to deal with questions about why I am not drinking and/or be a stick in the mud while everyone else is doing shots, making toasts and getting hammered.

I know I am building a lot of it up in my mind. I keep telling myself that this event is about the people getting married - no one really gives a $hit what I will be doing.
I know what you mean Doug. I worried about the social thing for about 3 days and then I realized that people really are more concerned about themselves in general. It really doesn't matter to them if we stopped drinking, they are just asking to be conversational. But I found that once you tell people you don't drink anymore, they understand. They know that alcohol causes major problems in our society and they probably have had some bad things happen themselves, so they really do understand why someone would not want to drink anymore.

You've had plenty of fun in your life without alcohol, you just have to remember that it is possible. Your addictive voice is probably still trying to whisper to you that it's impossible to have fun without the drug, but don't listen to it. Tell that sucker to go away!

But I really don't know what it is like to reach 100 days sober... but that is because I never counted. I overcame alcoholism somewhere around Feb or Mar of 2009 and have never looked back. I haven't had a drop since then, but I really don't know how many days it has been nor did I count them to reach certain milestones. I didn't see the point in that, as it just seemed like a way to look backwards and to treat my overcoming alcohol as something that was not complete. I was and am free from the addiction and I didn't want to dwell on it anymore.

With that said, I think maybe your fear or your anxiety might stem from a fear of relapse? Have you not told your addictive voice to go away? Have you refused to give it one second of attention and you refuse to listen to it ever again? Have you made the covenant with yourself that you will never ever drink again? You may want to give this a shot - tell yourself out loud a few times that you are never drinking again, that you are done forever.... your addictive voice will scream at you a bit, it will try to give you all the reasons as to why you cant do that. It will pile on the excuses, such as, "I don't want to deal with questions about why I am not drinking and/or be a stick in the mud while everyone else is doing shots, making toasts and getting hammered." And like the REAL YOU said, maybe this is just all in your mind. That is it exactly! Your mind, the part of your brain that craves the alcohol, is giving you these thoughts to entice you to keep drinking. That is the addictive voice that is trying to deceive you.

Anyway, tell it you are never drinking again and listen to what it tries to tell you. Write all the excuses all down, then when it is done telling you its lies, read them over and determine how many of the things it told you are actually true. I bet NONE of them are true! An example from my experience with this was that the voice told me that I couldn't stop drinking because what if I went bowling, I wouldn't have any fun bowling without alcohol! Crazy, eh? Well, as I read that on my list and tried to determine whether that was true or not, I realized that I only go bowling maybe once or twice every five years! So what, I should keep being an alcoholic because I might go bowling one day and it would be absolutely no fun without alcohol? I should continue to wreck my life so I may have a great bowling experience on the off chance that I actually do go bowling? I then remembered that I used to bowl a little as a kid and in high school. I wasn't drinking then and I was having plenty of fun. So, I knew the addicted voice was lying to me, trying to deceive me for its own sinister purpose. I did this with every excuse it gave me and I knew I had been listening to a voice that I thought was my own. Knowing at that moment that that voice wasn't really me empowered me to shut it out.

Sorry that this turned out to be a novel. I certainly didn't mean for it to be this way, but in the things you were saying, I was hearing your addictive voice. My dear friend, give it a try, recognize this voice that wants to deceive you, realize it is separate from the real you who wants to never drink again, and never listen to it again. If you do that, you can go to your party anxiety free!

Feel free to message me if you wanna chat about your experience. I know you have the power to overcome!
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Old 11-08-2013, 01:03 AM
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If you've read some of my last posts you will know that I'm going through more or less the same thing; inasmuch as I've had to ditch the drinking friends in favor of my sobriety. Well, there's been fallout from that and it's tough, but you sure know who your real friends are!!

On the other point you ask, about moderating: you have achieved a remarkable and amazing step of 100-odd days. That is nothing short of gargantuan. Excellent. You can drink again, if you wish, it's your life, it's your choice. I'm just communicating to you exactly what happened to me; and that is each and every time I went out drinking again it was exactly the same. Actually, in fact, I'm always shocked at the astounding amount I can drink following a stretch of sobriety. I have at least 30-odd years of practise so I know what I'm talking about. It gets worse, all the horrors and hell are repeated again and again. Eventually, because of the natural aging process of the human body it takes less and less to get drunk, feel Ill etc, so to me there is no fun left. I sincerely and with all my heart do not hankering back to that life as "fun". To me I can't think of anything worse that could happen to me is have all that s..t back again. Every now and then I relive those hangover feelings ugh. The fights, the rows, the terrible terrible anxiety, paranoia, fear,. WNt would I chose to have that back. I can though, at any time. Take care
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Old 11-08-2013, 01:32 AM
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Take it one day at a time Doug.
At Day 10, Day 100 seemed like a mountain. At Day 100, a year seemed impossible. Put it out of your mind and take each moment as it comes. Much easier that way. Relax, smile and enjoy the wedding and the holidays. Have a laugh at all the drinkers falling over each other for a change and wake up feeling good and remember the night and holidays.
If they never seen you sober then they don't know the real you! I sometimes wonder at how much more fun I'd have had and how many more women I'd have pulled if I'd not been such a pishhead in my single days dribbling into my beer and falling about making a tool of myself
Well done on 101!
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