M1k3 I really appreciate your message. As much as the truth hurts, you are completely correct. I have lost trust in him as I never know when he is lying about whether he has been drinking or not, and I don't know if he means what he says as it is hard for me to tell when he is intoxicated. Everyday I pick up more and more signs to tell when he has been drinking and as I look back on our few months together, I see majority of it was done drunk. Even special occasions such as birthdays, meeting my family etc and it hurts me to think about it