DesertEyes

My sponsor taught me a trick about doing the inventory. First; only read the stuff that is in black ink on the white page. Don't go making stuff up.

The word "brutal" is not in the steps Neither is "weaknesses", never mind it being in caps

I don't know about anybody else, the reason it was hard for me is because I got my weaknesses brutally shoved in my face almost every day of my childhood. The whole concept just triggered me all over the place.

What helped me was to do that "inner child" stuff at the same time. Instead of imagining my parents doing the inventory _against_ me, I pictured a seven year old child for whom _I_ am going to do the inventory. Therefore I am going to do it with _extreme_ kindness and gentleness.

The spotlight is not on _you_.

The inventory is a list of _skills_ that I have. It is a list of how I use those skills apropriately, sometimes, and how I use them inapropriately other times. It is also a list of what triggers me into the inapropriate use of those skills.

I see it like taking an x-ray of my emotions, to see where they are broken and need mending. The spotlight is _not_ on the patient, it's on the damage that needs repair.

I am not the one that did the breaking. My parents did the damage. I am just the one that gets stuck with doing the repair job. The spotlight is _not_ on me, not at all. I'm the guy that's _holding_ the spotlight and going to illuminate exactly what _they_ messed up so I can get it fixed.

All of which is a bit of self-trickery to get myself "un-triggered" by changing the context of the inventory. I'm re-wording the situation so it is not an examination of my faults, but an examination of the damage done _to_ me by others.

Am I making sense with that? It's hard to explain.

Mike