I've just been lying in bed all morning. I suppose I'd better get up and do... something? I know there's periods of incubation that I've found to be really valuable when trying to get back on track... Sometimes I don't like being out of the house at all.
I just had some memories of past attempts at sobriety.
My husband sometimes goes on long tours with his band, sometimes five weeks. But it's been a long time since that has happened. I just had a memory of my old "tour routine" when I was at home alone.
I'd party and drink all the first week because that was the toughest part. I'd miss him a lot and I'd just drink to deal with it. Then at the end of that week I'd dust myself off, swear off the drink, and stay sober for the next month and try to stay really busy. I wouldn't drink because I was afraid of getting too depressed and not having him there to rein me in if I got too out of control. Also, I was afraid that if I binged too much I'd gain weight and he'd see a dramatic change in me when he got back.
Then I'd get a lot done, stay straight, then he'd come back home and I'd pick up the bottle again because that first week of re-entry after a tour can be really hard. Both for the person who toured and the person who stayed at home. I'd just cope through that and then go back to my normal drinking patterns -- 1 bottle of wine on a normal, mellow day, and just whatever was in front of me on random days a few times a week.
Just weird patterns. I guess I forgot about all of this