Originally Posted by dirk626

I guess I will be a pest over the next several days while I try and occupy my mind. I've been on vacation all week which was part of the situation with the latest bender. I'm looking forward to work tomorrow. I ran my daughter around this morning running errands and it was nice spending time with her on a Sunday morning. Normally I would spend most of the morning sleeping and if I did take her around I would be disengaged shall I say, do to the hangover. I look forward to climbing into bed tonight sober. That is my favorite time when I don't drink. I relax and enjoy the thought of how lucky I am. Then when I wake up I'm so glad that I went to bed sober...it's like a double bonus. When I drink I snore. When I snore my wife goes to the spare bedroom. I woke up the other night after getting drunk and the bed was empty. I stared at the ceiling and thought to myself, "She can't hold on forever. Someday she is going to give up and you will wake up without her every night. You will be alone, and it won't be in this bed or in this house." I felt profoundly sad and so guilty for cheating on my wife and kids with the booze. Alcohol has been almost a living thing in my life for nearly 30 years. But in moments of clarity I know that it is nothing but ethyl alcohol. A disinfectant and poisonous. I see myself as this ridiculous person taking sips out of a poison bottle marveling at the effects as it starts to shut down my body. Huh, what a fool I have been. A buffoon! I am overwhelmed with the support you folks have given me already. I have been reading other's stories and the support and encouragement they are receiving. Thank you!