Dirk, instead of being upset about the time you spent drinking instead of fathering, focus instead on what a good example you are going to be to your children for admitting and addressing a problem you have and putting everything you have into your recovery, for the sake of yourself and the love of your family. That will be a major blessing for them, especially when they turn into adults and run into problems in their lives. You want to be an inspiration to them that problems can be solved. You can do this!