and the resolve is threatened...
Only at three days and I am starting to feel a little panicky. My best friend and buddy is going to a happy hour next week and I clearly can't go, but I also haven't told her that I am not drinking, so she asks me. I haven't told her, I realize, because I am conflicted.
I can't see my life without alcohol just yet and that scares me. It's amazing how easily memory fades of my blackout last weekend (I only found out where I went because I looked at my debit card statements). Or the fact that I couldn't get up for work on Thursday. I have so many excuses. And there is a voice in me that says - "you just need to stop a little, not forever, so you can still do x,y,z" which is go and have dinner with my girlfriends, which is very important to me because I am single and clearly have issues with it at times.
Everyone I know and love drinks. I don't think I am strong enough to go be with them for dinner or after work and not drink. The thing is, I want to drink. I want to be able to drink like normal people. And I can't. And I am feeling sorry for myself.
I am also going to New Orleans for Thanksgiving and hoping that I am more settled with myself then. Ugh.