I hope you feel a little better now Grace. One of the most futile things we can do is drink at someone.
I felt a lot of rage, resentment and even jealousy at drinkers in my early days. I'd given up but the hooks were in deep....I was still thinking of drinking as a good thing, and my inability to do it as a sad loss.
It took a few months before I got back in my right mind and realised that I like sober me and my sober life a lot more.
I'm sure you will too. You're missing nothing.
D