Resentment
For the last two days I have been so full of resentment. I know on my part it's distorted thinking but I've been finding it so difficult to manage my feelings.
It started with hearing the news that ANOTHER one of my friends is now engaged. Of course I'm happy for her and want the best but it just got me thinking about how I feel my RA has denied me all those wonderful normal things you just take for granted, like a proposal. I know he's been ill and in his words "over the last few years I've wanted to kill myself not get married". So yes, I get that while he was drinking and not on a programme this could not have happened. But he is now in recovery and he regularly attends AA. I just feel like I'm always the one waiting, always the one who gets let down and who's life has suffered because of his drinking and drug use.
Whilst I understand that I chose to stay with and A and choose to stay with a RA, I just feel so angry right now. Angry that even after everything we've been through together over the years (good and bad) he doesn't feel inclined to propose. I know there's probably a fair few of you who think I'm mad (especially those who know bits of my story on here) to even consider wanting to marry someone who has the issues he has. I get that. Anyway, rant over :-) thank you.