Hi, Formyboys! Your little house sounds like a slice of heaven.
I was the crazy, manipulative ex-wife too. Most likely, in his world, I still am. *shrug* A year ago, if some one had told me just how little that would matter to me, I'd've thought they must have rose-colored glasses superglued to their face.
I do still however have a hard time dealing with feeling guilty that DS doesn't get to see his father. I think, because it really has very little to do with AXH and more to do with DS (9 yo). I think I get it worked out and... something comes up. The thing is, it's AXHs fault there is no relationship between hm and DS. Not mine. The steps I took during our divorce about custody and visitation were because of AXHs drinking and behavior. AXH not seeing DS for the past year and a half has been all AXHs doing.
I'm raising DS to understand there are consequences to our actions. If we make bad decisions, it's no ones fault but our own. Any decision we make changes the next string of choices available to us. If we make bad choices, some avenues of being are forever lost to us. Even if the decisions are solid and 'good', the making of those choices still changes the paths on front of us.
There are days I'm 99.99% certain DS won't blame me for his father's absence. Then there are days where I'm 99.99% certain otherwise. I hope that if he understands the connections between choices, actions and consequences, he'll be more understanding of the choices I made in leaving his father, and understanding of the fact that it's his father making the choice to continue to be absent from his life. Likewise, it's not his (DS's) fault that his father isn't around; it's not a choice that is his to make.
Hugs.