phoebe64

Lommey, I did feel it a little, not a full on buzz. I was too busy with guests and entertaining to drink that much to get drunk, but once I had one, I definitely saw that I never can stop at one. Never. I think I had 3 glasses. I did not count them. Not large glasses either. But, yeah, a little feeling there.

I am up very early on about 4 hours of sleep, by the time I cleaned up and got sleepy. And no headache or hangover, just very tired, of course. I worked very hard and was on my feel all night and have sore legs and a little stiffness in my back! My back is "bad" so I always feel it if I clean and/or cook alot or entertain. Husband and daughter had to go very early to a soccer game rather far away, so he woke me with his alarm and showering, etc... I am not a late sleeper, even when very tired, so will nap later.

So, I am not beating myself up, but do feel that it is impossible for me to ever be totally sober! Ugh. Why can I not do it? I am very sure I would have enjoyed the time just as much had I not had any wine. So, I guess that is good. I have learned something, I guess.

I have no regrets about the party at all, in general. it was a great time, and I had over some people i have never before and they had a great time. One of them was encouraging me to apply for a job at the schools, and to hand in my rresume. So, I feel like they like me, lol. Remember me worrying that I have no friends and people do not like me?

So, all in all, I feel the good outweighs the bad that I drank. I think I would have anyway, eventually. I always do. It is that which needs to change. Not sure how. I truly cannot avoid or remove every trigger in my life. But I do need to rework what I do when they are there and how to resist. Even when I once ad 4-5 months(I never counted then, it was before I joined here), I never stopped wishing I could drink.

How do I get to not wishing I can drink like a normal drinker?