Originally Posted by
Uninvited 
No it's not autopilot. There is a conscious struggle that goes on for hours before hand. Much hand wringing and teeth gnashing. The real issue is there has been very little payoff so far. Nobody is offering me any raises or telling me I look great (grats fish), and I've actually gained at least 10 pounds. What the hell? Who actually gets a bigger belly when they quit drinking beer?!?! It's ridiculous.
I feel sort of mildly better about myself knowing I'm not drinking but mostly I've just gained boredom. And my house is a little cleaner. There is progress though. My slips in the past lasted for months not one day.
Hey, swimming buddy, that IS progress, I agree. Sometimes it's the little things. And I know what you mean when you wrote earlier about having SR in your mind. It's prevented me a few times from strapping on the booze bag. I know my SR Septie friends will help me up if I fall, but I like getting cheered on for staying sober better.
I sure wish you had some tangible signs of your progress. They are in the works though, believe me. All the healing your body is doing will manifest itself. It's too bad there isn't some set timeline for recovery signs, though. I get worried about how tired I get but then I notice I paid a couple bills on time, etc etc and I feel better. Its a balance. I wanted the universe to fart unicorns in my path for quitting drinking but I guess the universe has other plans
Anyway, hang in there. The miracle is close. The more we learn, practice sobriety and shore up our defenses, the closer we are to the obsession and desire to drink to be lifted. And THAT is the miracle of recovery I am committed to achieving.
xoxo, UI, swim swim swim!