Originally Posted by
hopeful4 
It's important to say I am not the same either. I have become suspicious and bitter about alot of things. Unfortunately I don't know if I can get away from that behavior and be with him, it's just too much. Only when I am not around him do I feel as though I am my real self. I do know I cannot live with that bad behavior from myself for the rest of my life, it is not who I want to be. I guess I am soul searching a bit right now.
I can definitely relate to this. After years of trying to fix marriage I finally realized it was never going to work. He is unlikely ever to go back to the person I fell in love with. And I don't think I can ever be the person I used to be either. I used to be a very forgiving and optimistic person. Now I am full of resentment over what my life has become since his addiction took over. I tried to fix him and in the process lost me. I lost friends who could no longer stand the angry and bitter person I have become. Since we have been separated I am slowly working on bringing back the person I was and want to be but I know I could never trust him again and at this point I don't know if I could ever trust any man. I hate that I am like that now but I don't how to change that.