I'm sorry you're hurting, IFC. It totally sucks. This is an ugly, mean disease. It ruins so much. If it makes you feel any better, just blame it on the disease. You won't always hurt this bad unless you keep trying to get that same guy back into your life.
My
I miss my sweetheart who was so considerate and supportive and affectionate and fun and smart and funny, etc. He is just a dream now. What gives me hope is that MY life will be just great without him and after I get past this acute phase of my disease, I will be able to attract an even better partner.
((((Hugs))))