It's a hard place to be ...but when the sun comes up try to be thankful for knowing what you know now....Yes, can you imagine 10 years from now?
It sound's like you've known the truth for quite sometime now. Reality sucks, but it sure saves us from more disaster in the future.
Honestly, Im quite proud of you for figuring this out early in the game. It took me years, and years, and years of misery to understand "it's more than just drinking too much" every night!!...Good for you! ...Pat yourself on the back and don't look back!!