Stocking Up My Tool Box NOW
I'm starting to feel the beginnings of anxiety about the holidays. I am so, so much more serene and peaceful with my AH hundreds of miles away, seeing him only one weekend every 5-6 weeks. I was talking about Thanksgiving with a co-worker the other day, and found myself starting to get a little agitated. My AH will never commit to holiday plans until the very last second. We have been invited to one of his relatives' houses for Thanksgiving, which would involve an 8-hour drive for me and our son (my daughters are with their dad for Thanksgiving this year), and a 5-hour drive for my AH. I really, really want to go, because even though he is not at all close with his family, I happen to adore this particular family member and would love to spend time with her. Things are also a lot less hostile when we are staying with other people--it prompts better behavior from my AH.
Well, my AH won't commit to going, and the other night actually said he might just rather come all the way back here for the holiday weekend. I can't do the trip to his relative's house on my own--he would need to contribute to my gas money for me to be able to afford the trip, so I can't just decide to go on my own and let him do whatever he wants. So, the uncertainty starts to bug me, the idea of being stuck at home alone with him (and our son) for 4 days starts to bug me, etc. etc. etc.
I am recognizing these feelings right now, before they cripple me and I allow them to disrupt my serenity. So I'm beefing up my Al Anon tool box with skills for keeping the anxiety at bay, and skills for handling so much "family time" during the holidays. I have my emergency plan in place, and I feel good about that. I'm working on a "Happiness Project" with my neighbor, which has been great. I'm working hard to balance making project on my "have to" list (dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc.) with my "want to" list (playing with the kids, reading, catching up on my favorite television show).
My biggest issue remains nighttime. I struggle the most with negative thinking, anxiety and agitation during the night. Does anyone have any calming suggestions for sleep time? How do you cope with "stinking thinking" when your brain should be powering down to rest?