@cleaninalabama I know. Every therapist I've seen has said the same thing. This latest one said I'm co-dependent. Probably true... But I don't know enough about it to know for sure. It's something I plan on bringing up in 1:1 counseling. I just checked my calendar and that doesn't start until next week though.
A friend gave me some perspective last night about why he's putting off treatment. It's a guy thing. "Is it killing me? No. So walk it off." I never thought of it that way. It's usually 3-4 days before he comes back down to earth and can rationally talk. When he does I'm going to tell him it's now. I can't keep on like this if I hope to get better. You're right. I just needed to hear it again I guess.
I did get to my mothers before he got home. He called screaming and eventually hung up on me. I forgot to take the gun out of the house so I texted and asked if I needed to worry about him doing something stupid. He said no and don't ******* talk to me. I left him with "I love you and I didn't leave to hurt you. I left because I need to make good decisions and wouldn't have if it got to where it was going. I hope you can understand that one day but I'll leave you alone for now." No responses. I will stay with my mother again tonight if he's still out of control. She knows about his PTSD but not about me using. She just thinks I'm seeing a psychiatrist.
I did engage in using behaviors. I didn't use but the extra sub may as we'll be the same thing. I just don't know how to deal yet...
I'm willing to bet this is all stemming partially from the fact that he's out of weed. Ughhhh fml. I am juggling so many balls trying to make something out of my life: baby, work, sobriety, wife, homeowner etc. when this happens it's like juggling with someone throwing knives at you.
Last month I had to stay at my moms because I did not specifically say I was going to the grocery store on a Sunday even though I planned to. Thus our life is chaos and has no order and I'm a terrible person. Normal relationship: "hey Hun can you go to the grocery store today?" This is crazy.
