Rita - Though bratkin is way older than your Sunshine, I think the recovery work you and I have done is helping both of them.
Bratkin told me, a while ago (before her bio-dad got locked up, again) that she was hurt/mad because he was SO great for his gf's kids, but was never there for HER when she was little. I told her she had every right to her feelings and I was glad that she was admitting them and talking about them. We have THE best conversations on the spur of the moment, but as much as she loves her "mama" (my stepmom/her grandmother) she knows I have boundaries and I'm not the codie I used to be.
However...sigh, I had to blow off my mouth to dad today. Situation with one of my stepsisters, dad is "helping her out" and I'm seeing red flags all over the place. I finally told him "you can help and help and help, but you cannot FIX her or anyone else. You are going to end up with the van repair or something majorly expensive come up and you're not going to have the money because you've been "helping". Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is let them deal with consequences, and I'm grateful you did that for me".
Now, I know - I am still living with him, but I do give him money and I'm the one he depends on. I realized my codie-ness (trying to save another codie) and said "it's your money, you do what you want, but at some point you really do need to take care of YOU. Love you".
I probably should invest in duct tape for my mouth as I just can't seem to shut the heck up, sometimes
Hugs and prayers,
Amy