Originally Posted by
ZenMe 
Aeryn, I also have family of origin issues that stem from my father which lead me to be involved with my xagf. They are both narcissists and abuse alcohol. I didn't even know the term until I found myself in a huge predicament (to put it lightly).
If they are NPD (as in the disorder rather than just having the behaviors) as my mother is there is a whole additional "fun" aspect to recovery (as I have found out the hard way - LOL
). Very different from just being a partner of an A or child of an A....for me that recovery (recovery from being ACON) is what changed everything for me and where things started to stick and the awakening started...my mother (the NPD) was the driving factor rather than my A father (he was more absent than anything - def not a narcissist).
I believe this is a characteristic of codependency and not a definition of codependency. Codie's really get a high off helping others and making others a priority. It's our way of not having to deal with our own issues. We take this to the extreme and stop taking care of ourselves (for example when in a relationship with an alcoholic).
You may be more codependent than you think =P. It's no coincidence I was attracted to my x. Sure my previous x before her didn't bring out my codie nature in full force, but in other walks of life I can see it at play, although not as strongly.
Perhaps! I did originally identify as codependent when I first went to Alanon and came on this board (I've actually been here a lot longer than my join date shows - long story but has to due with anonymity) but through therapy changed my view on my labels as I got to know myself. With my XAH I was ummm...let's say not helpful at all to him in the traditional codie ways (I was actually staying because it was easy, he didn't demand any vulnerability or emotional attention from me and I liked that rather than dealing with myself - I never counted bottles or called his job or dealt with his debt since things were separate) - but I was with him to avoid me...thus what I said about having the maladaptive behaviors learned as a kid.
I like what you say about codependents get a high off helping others...but isn't a high something codependents get to suppress emotions??? So codies get "high" for the same reason alcoholics do I think...to avoid emotions/vulnerability. I still say the emotional suppression is at the core.
