Jdooner your story replicates mine. I caused mostly internal strife on myself as in guilt, shame, hangovers etc. So far I have kept an outwardly functional appearance with only my wife and 2 close friends privileged to my once private hell. And honestly my non traditional methods and view of AA got me prodded on this forum when I began posting recently. I'm actually a privately religious guy I just don't think god got me drunk but he did give the freedom to make that choice and he gave me the freedom and intelligence to choose to not get drunk anymore. Don't let other peoples opinion of your method or struggles get to you. We are all worthy of help and we are all motivated by different things. I for one tend to get pissed about certain things and use that as fuel to win, or abstain or what ever I just do it my way until it doesn't work for me any longer.
Keep working