jdooner

So as many of you know I am a proponent of AA. The program has been instrumental to my sobriety and I genuinely enjoy the meetings - I would guess its is to me like church might be to people who go there.

Anyhow, I went to my normal Wed night meeting yesterday and I really like the group. I shared a little more than I usually do - I think this is bc the woman running it who has been away for a few weeks I really like and felt comfortable. There was a new woman there that was continuously crosstalking and made a direct comment to me during my share that I should never talk about my experiences bc I am romancing the drugs and drinking. There were a few others that quickly jumped on the bandwagon. The experience made me feel small and awkward and I don't want to return. I actually thought on my drive home why and I doing this, maybe I should grab a bottle of vodka. I didn't but she triggered me in a big way.

After sleeping and swimming this AM I am still bothered. I think some of it is bc I am worried maybe I am still romancing the experiences as a way to still dance with the devil and the time for me to be sober is not now - this scares me as I know the consequences. The fact others joined really troubles me, as I regret sharing and feel I opened up too much.

There were a few other things that occured yesterday and I am now doubting this whole process.

I think putting these words out there were more for me to vent and get this negativity out of me. Thanks.