I can't help you because I am in a blithering mess myself but I can tell you I understand how you are feeling. If you read my post "dont know what to title this thread....." you will get a little of my background but I remember my husband coming up with ALL kinds of ways to control his drinking and they would all lead back to disaster. not during the week, only on the weekends, not before 3 pm - no cases, only 12 packs, then it was no 12 packs, only 6 packs, then he would just go back to the store for another 6 pack, or get a 12 pack because it was friday and he was going to drink in moderation. then it was no drinking at all - But he never came to me and said it wasn't working and it was too hard he would just break his promises and either argue and defend himself - or tell him he had it under control and for me not to worry - or he would throw it back at me in some fashion. And my stomach would also be in knots, I would feel angry and hurt and disgusted and sad and sometimes I hated his ever living guts. I would like to say "I wish I would have done XYZ then" but I suppose everything happens in its own time and in its own way, so I'm not sure if I can suggest anything to you, but I can tell you I understand how you feel. I'm going to my first alanon meeting tonight ever. Join me?