Prilly87

Hi all,

This is my first time ever posting on a forum and I am unsure if this is the right place - but I would really appreciate some advice right now.
Five weeks ago was the most wonderful day but also the most terrible. My best friend gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. When I returned home to my flat I shared with my boyfriend of a year and a half that evening, I walked in to him asleep with his head on the coffee table - like he had passed out! Tin foil everywhere! He woke up shocked and I demanded he told me what he was doing. I was not prepared for the answer. But he was honest. Turns out, he has been a heroin addict for nine years on and off! Has bouts of being clean - the longest spell just shy of one year. He is on the stuff around fifty percent of the time. Now everything makes sense - waiting around for him most evening, working late, the tiredness, his money disappearing- the lies. It sounds naive but I knew he was up to something- i was trying to be mature and trust someone knowing he would tell me when he was ready- Just had no idea it was this serious. He had managed to keep this a secret from me for a whole year and a half - we spent every day together during the hours he werent off s oking smack.cHe claims that when he met me he was clean and so didnt want to jeopardise his chance at happiness by telling me ( he really believed he would stick with it as had been clean 7 months at the time) His family are all aware and kept it from me too. I am soooo hurt and feel like a silly little girl for trusting these ppl and allowing them in to my life. Naturally I threw him out there and then, it's my flat, so no worries there. But I have been racked with guilt ever since and miss him like crazy!! I love this man. He is clean and back on a program, he even let me meet his key worker and has assured me I can see his drug tests every week. I have told him I need space for three or four months as to take him back would be a huge risk to my future happiness. I have had flowers, ice cream, chocs and letters pouring out his heart to me ever since. He has not once tried to push me in to taking him back, but I am starting to feel like regular contact ( me checking in 2 or 3 times a week) is too painful for him? My question is: do I keep up what I'm doing by offering encouragement and support, or do I cut all ties so he can concentrate on himself. I love him more than anything and jus want him to get better, whether it includes me or not, he deserves a shot at a decent life away from the horrid controlling drug. Thanks for reading, apologies it was a little war and peace. X