Hi Bluechair, We started this summer off almost the same. The first couple of "frightened" posts I read were from you. You have come far, I am proud of you. When my younger AD got let out of the hospital, too soon as far as I thought, and I almost said no! But, I allowed her to come home, scared as he$$! Se went immediately to IOP therapy and meetings, 4 hours a day, 4 days a week, then her therapist on the 5th day. I joined the Friends and family of addicts group and find it so helpful. But, that life jacket was put on my daughter, she was given tools, I was given tools and off the deep end we went!!! Well, we/she is 10 weeks sober, all urine and blood tests are negative. She even earned this coin that has been given out to only a handful of addicts for her willingness to be sober. Ya, we are still being judged, I still feel guilty and blame myself, she still feels like she has disappointed me, but that happens and it will pass, I hope. And speaking of that 4 letter word...we had HOPE! Good luck, take it easy, try not to snoop(ya right, it's a trust issue that will get lighter as time passes) thanks Bluechair for your support, lean on us now. We are here and we listen. My thought, good feeling are with you and your family! TF