Rehab sent him Home !!

Old 10-22-2013, 02:24 PM
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Rehab sent him Home !!

Yesterday I went to the rehab to have the weekly family session with my husband. At the end of the session, the doctor started telling us a story about teaching his daughter to swim. He said she was afraid of the water, and he tried to slowly introduce her to it. She would play in the shallow water, and became content. So one day he put the life jacket on her, and plopped her straight into deep water. She was scared at first but realized she could float, and her daddy was with her. She became calm and soon learned swimming strokes, later turned into a fish loving the water.

Then he said he was throwing us into the pool ! He wanted us to go home together. Spend the next 3 days and come back on Thursday for a family session. And you know what I said, "But I have my own counseling session here on Thursday". He laughed and said we will work around it ! My husband hasn't graduated rehab yet, he will be going back for a little while still, this is a test.

He said that's what life is about being ready to face our fears, challenges, the unexpected. He asked if I was supposed to work the next couple days, what my routine was and I told him. He said sounds great, don't deviate, allow yourself to adjust to his being home, and spend time together like normal.

Car keys back to my husband, cash in his pocket, choices to make. He said we have life jackets on, we are both ok, we will float. He stopped short of calling himself daddy like in the story, but he said he is there if we need him during this time.

Here's the good things so far:
I loved waking up with him next to me
I forced myself to work today, followed dr orders
I only called him once so far
He called me once
We have the evening set up, I'm excited

I was feeling a lot of emotions, some fear once I had been at work a while. I stopped, meditated a little, remembered we both have new skills, we both have on life jackets. I can be calm and let my husband practice his new swimming strokes. If I get scared, I think about a pool and both of us learning to face our fears, some unfounded, some very real. One day we will both take off the life jackets and swim like fish.

You put a fish in water, it knows what to do !
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Old 10-22-2013, 02:32 PM
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Awe bluechair beautiful post and a very wize doctor! Let us know how it goes!
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Old 10-22-2013, 02:49 PM
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Maybe my response is off - but the doctor seems very presumptuous to me to be telling you what you have to do on the spot as if you didn't have the right to think about it and say yes or no.

I am glad your reaction is positive, and you are handling this well.

Just remember, it is still completely YOUR CHOICE of what your boundaries are with your husband. If you have reservations or if you don't want to continue this, or if you don't want the doctor - or anyone - to spring something like this on you again, then feel completely free and entitled to speak up for what YOU want, whether or not anyone feels it is best for your husband or not.

Take care,
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Old 10-22-2013, 03:01 PM
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Hi Bluechair, We started this summer off almost the same. The first couple of "frightened" posts I read were from you. You have come far, I am proud of you. When my younger AD got let out of the hospital, too soon as far as I thought, and I almost said no! But, I allowed her to come home, scared as he$$! Se went immediately to IOP therapy and meetings, 4 hours a day, 4 days a week, then her therapist on the 5th day. I joined the Friends and family of addicts group and find it so helpful. But, that life jacket was put on my daughter, she was given tools, I was given tools and off the deep end we went!!! Well, we/she is 10 weeks sober, all urine and blood tests are negative. She even earned this coin that has been given out to only a handful of addicts for her willingness to be sober. Ya, we are still being judged, I still feel guilty and blame myself, she still feels like she has disappointed me, but that happens and it will pass, I hope. And speaking of that 4 letter word...we had HOPE! Good luck, take it easy, try not to snoop(ya right, it's a trust issue that will get lighter as time passes) thanks Bluechair for your support, lean on us now. We are here and we listen. My thought, good feeling are with you and your family! TF
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Old 10-22-2013, 04:04 PM
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Well.....from the title of this thread I thought.....oh dear......another one kicked out for some kind of infraction. Glad that wasn't the case!

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 10-22-2013, 04:54 PM
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I'm glad your happy and I know you didn't ask but this doc seems a little "off" to me. Logistically, are they holding his bed until he goes back? What about the insurance? Will they pick up the tab again, knowing he was ok to go home for 3 days?

I guess I don't get the point of his story- his daughter had a life jacket on and him swimming next to her. Did he offer to come along home with you and sleep in a spare room?

I sincerely hope it works out for you.
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Old 10-22-2013, 06:17 PM
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I can see both sides of this situation.

It may give him a chance to recognize his triggers in the environment/relationship...go back and tweak his relapse prevention.

or

It may give him a weekend to go wild.

It's his choice regardless and will indicate how serious he is taking recovery.

I do have concerns that this wasn't something that they presented to you in private....prior to the "announcement." I kind of wonder what would have happened if your boundary was...."not until he completes rehab."
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Old 10-23-2013, 05:21 AM
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Good morning Bluechair, Hummm...was wondering about that insurance hold on his bed too, unless this is part of his recovery, like test the waters kind of thing,and you bet he will be drug tested when he gets back to rehab from his pass. How are things going anyway? Have a quiet night, some good talking, a little cuddling? I'm praying things will go well for you, your life will be happy again. Why don't you both hit a meeting on the three day pass? Couldn't hurt, right? Can't party too much at those meetings (ha ha it's a joke everyone!). Let us know how things are going. Hugs! TF
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Old 10-23-2013, 05:39 AM
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Not so terribly uncommon. I had a 24 hour break at some point in rehab to spend some time with my wife in a 'normal' environment. We couldn't go home, too far, so we got a hotel room, went out to dinner, I don't remember what else, maybe we went to the bookstore or something. I don't recall any story about swimming, but it was nice, went fine. Call it a 'test', call it whatever you want. I don't recall if it was planned in advance.
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Old 10-23-2013, 01:26 PM
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Good Afternoon Everybody and thank you for the support and encouragement. So far things have been going good, and yes we did get some needed cuddle time. I left work a little early yesterday because everyone wanted me to beat the traffic and get home to him. When I got there he was outside with our pets in the yard. He had a tall cup of coffee and was relaxing. I watched them all for a minute before I said anything, it was a happy feeling for me.

He was complaining about some heartburn last night, and then he woke up in the middle of the night and said he had chills and was sick to his stomach. He got sick, then seemed to start feeling better. I asked him if its something had been happening because he never mentioned it, and he said no. But he did eat different yesterday. He had more coffee, polished off most of a bag of cookies, and while i was at work he cooked some food for himself. The first time he had cooked in about 4 months. The joke is he poisoned himself.

Things are good today, and either tonight or tomorrow morning he is going to let his parents know he is home. He was afraid they would be all over him once they find out and he wanted some quiet.

For those of you who are worried about me, thank you its kind of you, but I want him to home, I am ready. I know there will be challenges and I still have a lot of feelings to work through, but Im up for it. This is his home too, not just mine. I am happy to wait until he is ready, until the doctor agrees. We are team is the approach we take in family counseling. We have talked about our living apart for a little while mostly because he is doesn't want me to be around him if he is not 100% well. Doesn't want me to have to be upset by any of his moods or PAWS symptoms. If he needs it for himself then ok but I would prefer to be together and work through it

He has had what they call " a pass" from rehab a few times now. He was home once before, we went away together one weekend in a neutral place, he had a day pass but went back at night. I figured all rehabs did this type of thing. I have no idea about billing, we are paying what insurance wont cover, and most was paid in advance. His place there is safe until he has graduated.

One good thing avoiding snooping. When I am at work sometimes I use my phone to access the security system we have and you can see from the cameras whats going on at home. Sometimes I check to look for our animals. If I wanted to snoop on him ? But NO. I wont. Stopped that one in its tracks.
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:29 AM
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Hi Bluechair, I'm so happy for you that the pass is going well. I think it was wise of you not to tell his parents he was home just quite yet, give him some breathing room before he gets smothered with a mothers love. Too bad about the stomach issues, he does live in a hospital, exposed to germs and the flu, etc, however, I would get a stomach ache if I ate too may cookies too! Snooping is difficult to stop, especially if you have been repeatedly lied to, plus it's very tempting, you want him to be well sooo badly. I don't snoop too much, but I ask WAY too many questions, I must work on that. Yes I do worry about you, I just want you to be healthy. Take care of yourself, don't be alone. Try a narcon meeting and of course we are hear for all the support you can stand ( ha!) be and stay well, TF
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Old 10-24-2013, 07:49 PM
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Glad this worked out for you. But I won't lie, my stomach did a flip when I read your post. My husband just checked into inpatient rehab yesterday, and in 2 weeks, he will get "day passes" on Saturdays and Sundays, and I am already nervous about that. If his doctor who tell me that he's coming home for a few days, I would probably run for the hills!

But, he's only been gone for a day, so of course I am scared. Maybe when I see some progress I won't be as fearful.

Thanks for the post!
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Old 10-24-2013, 08:52 PM
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[QUOTE=Leana;4253664]I'm glad your happy and I know you didn't ask but this doc seems a little "off" to me.

Wow, I agree with this poster. My son was in close to a dozen rehabs. If anyone of them did this exercise probably half would half come back intoxicated, a few would have been arrested on outstanding charges and the rest wouldn't return. The insurance is the other mystery to me. They seem so strict with rules, diagnoses and co-pays. I do wish you the best and maybe because the Dr. saw that the patients have good support systems at home?
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Old 10-25-2013, 04:13 PM
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We both got an "A" from the counselor at the rehab. It was hard having him go back there after being home for a few days and I didnt sleep good last night. We each had individual counseling and then we had our family session together making yesterday busy.

It looks like he is going to be coming home at the beginning of November ! I guess there are a series of things they have to go over, and need to set up his aftercare plan, think it is going to be outpatient through them for a while. He is not thrilled with it for some reason, I think he is tired of all the focus on the inner self.

His drug test was all good when he got back, I was a little worried because of what happened the first time he came home but I can tell he is a lot better now. Im not sure how I feel about all of it yet, my counselor said I was on a high of my own and when I came down I would better be able to sort out my feelings about the end of his rehab/coming home. He is still saying he will not come home for a while if Im not ready because he wants things to work and he is willing to wait. Im not feeling like I need that but will think about it some more. He says he doesn't need it, confusing.

(( PhotoArtist )) Dont be scared, I doubt they would do that to you not at first. My husband has been there and is almost ready to be released. We have sessions with that counselor every week and he knew I would be happy to have him home. I think it was good to throw it at us because no matter how much we plan, we cant plan for everything. I dont want to live restricted and afraid anyway. If anything like that did happen to you and your not ready, say no, not yet and then work to get yourself ready (if you want him back, sorry shouldn't assume).


Now I go home to an empty house that will smell like him ! And pets wondering where dad went.
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Old 10-25-2013, 07:18 PM
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Glad the "rehearsal went well. Hope you can take the next week or two to keep working on you as he works on himself. If i was in your shoes, I'd snuggle up with those pets tonight and enjoy the feeling of peace and knowing you had a good week.
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