I've been doing VERY well secretly moderating my drinking the last few weeks. No more then a certain amount in certain situations, and never enough for others to realize what I'm doing. But this isn't a way to live.
I missed this is my first response...umm, you are on a sober website posting about how you are secretly moderating your disease and talking about how you are doing VERY well but in the next sentence admit its no way to live. I feel badly for you...this disease is bigger than both of us and kills many. You need to get out of the shackles and illusions that you are doing well. You are sick - but in the company of people who care.