PinotNOmore

...would it bother you? No! I like bananas but I could do without if I was told they were not good for me to eat. I have been seeing a counselor and this is a line she uses. I agreed at first, like of course I could give up bananas!! It's not scary to think about never having a banana again, or relaxing with a banana split on a Friday night! I would be fine sitting there at dinner watching all my friends and family eating their bananas and I would never crave one of my own! So tonight I was thinking, WHY is it so hard to give up booze when I could give up bananas so easily!? I realized my counselors theory has a flaw... what do you feel when you eat a banana? An instant sense of relaxation? A let down of inhibition? A warm fuzzy feeling? Anything?? Nope. Full maybe but that's it. Possibly that's why giving up drinking is harder than giving up bananas! I like the feeling booze gives me. Well, for a while I guess, then obviously, I don't.

Anyhow, I've decided I don't like this comparison... I've been doing VERY well secretly moderating my drinking the last few weeks. No more then a certain amount in certain situations, and never enough for others to realize what I'm doing. But this isn't a way to live. I see my counselor again tomorrow. Hopefully she has some other suggestions. If not I have some other ideas of my own, but I have a serious lack of follow-through. Someday, something will stick... I have hope in that. I am enjoying life right now, but I know I would love it SO much more with out thinking about "bananas" on a freakin' daily basis"! *Rant over*

Skye2

That 'feeling' booze gives us, lasts for approx. 15 minutes ... then legs go, mouth opens and argues or spouts garbage, bowels become unpredictable, we race to the loo to pee non-stop, heartburn, acid indigestion... then we wake up feeling panic (wtf did I write online / text / say).. shame as we slowly remember (if at all).. then comes at least 5 days of utter misery/pain (physical and emotional)....

Yeah FANTASTIC feeling those mere 15 minutes huh?

Xx

Mirage74

I think what your counselor is trying to say is that you could easily give up bananas because you don't have a banana problem.

sillysuzanfree

I don't like the comparison with bananas either...I LOVED my wine and drank a lot of it for years before it caught up with me but I still can't moderate. Not anymore. For me I am just facing that I can't drink anymore....one day at a time!

tomsteve

i sometimes wonder what id do if my doctor said i couldn't eat reeses anymore.

i knew a woman whos doctor told her she couldn't drink anymore.
she proved him wrong.
but she also proved him right that it would kill her.

keithj

I think you can add to this example. If I had a substantial history of eating bananas until I became violently ill, angered and disappointed those around me, etc., and if the last time I ate bananas I became disoriented and crashed a car and ended up in a jail cell, I might safely conclude that bananas and me did not mix well. You wouldn't find me the next day sitting down with a bunch of bananas in my hand prepared to do it all over again.

Not so with alcohol. Those common sense, 'I have a bad reaction to this and this is no good for me' realizations have almost no effect on an alcoholic's drinking.

I've heard the same analogy to an allergic reaction. If eating a bunch of bananas causes me to break out in all sorts of nasty physical effects, I quickly learn that I have this allergy and it's a no brainer to avoid eating them. Not so with booze.

doggonecarl

This is a fragile facade that will soon collapse. I hope you find a way to quit.

LDT

^^^ Ditto doggonecarl. I also moderated very well .....until I didn't. Moderating is labor intesive, time consuming, and it just never works for alcoholics.

jdooner

If bananas released tons of dopamine into my brain then yes I would have a problem giving them up. I am a bit surprised that your therapist is this cavalier about addiction. There is scientific evidence that over time your brain is being reprogramed by the drugs (alcohol or other drugs, nicotine, cocaine, MDMA, weeds). This is in effect brainwashing and other things that were once important take a back seat bc your brain and your body crave the pleasures that are derived from the DoC.

Once you cross over this line you can never moderate bc the chemistry has actually changed in your brain. This link can provide some more detail.

Drugs and the Brain | National Institute on Drug Abuse

DarkDays

I've been doing VERY well secretly moderating my drinking the last few weeks. No more then a certain amount in certain situations, and never enough for others to realize what I'm doing. But this isn't a way to live. I see my counselor again tomorrow. Hopefully she has some other suggestions.

No its certainly is no way to live. Other suggestions , pretty obvious without having to state the obvious .



Good luck.

jdooner

I've been doing VERY well secretly moderating my drinking the last few weeks. No more then a certain amount in certain situations, and never enough for others to realize what I'm doing. But this isn't a way to live.

I missed this is my first response...umm, you are on a sober website posting about how you are secretly moderating your disease and talking about how you are doing VERY well but in the next sentence admit its no way to live. I feel badly for you...this disease is bigger than both of us and kills many. You need to get out of the shackles and illusions that you are doing well. You are sick - but in the company of people who care.

PinotNOmore

Thanks for all the responses. I truly appreciate your time! However I don't need anyone feeling bad for me... yes, my situation is not ideal, but I am working on things, sought out outside help ( which for me was huge) and know that the final outcome will be giving up alcohol completely. For now though, I am not drinking excessively, and have long periods of not drinking with periods of drinking in the mix. I am finding a path that works for me. I am not going to spril or hit rock bottom before i tackle this. I don't need a pity party. I'm confident I'll be ok. We all get to sobriety our own way right?

whiskeyman

i used to tell my partner that the perfect comparison was for them.
to hold your breath, and you feel like you need to take a breath, dont.
you cant take a breath, you know its could be dangerous but eventually you have to gasp and take one.
That is what my obsession was like, no where near a banana

Nuudawn

Pity is not the emotion I am feeling for you Pinot. I would have to say "judgement" is a more apt description. Although I know "judgement' is wrong, this is a sobriety support site and you are going to ruffle some feathers by saying you are "doing VERY well" in moderation as the desire to moderate is the alcoholic's dream. It is precisely our inability to moderate that pretty much makes us alcoholic. It really is that simple and that complicated.

For me ..where you are in your addiction is in some sort of "bargaining" stage. You really have not been able to face up to abstinence yet. And hey, you're right we are all in different stages..but I would say this is a stage of addiction....not recovery. Often of late, the 5 stages of grief keep coming to my mind when dealing with addiction...

1. Denial & Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

It's almost like in the final stages of our addiction we go through these cycles until we accept that we must remove alcohol from our lives in order to go forward. We must accept the loss of our poison.

dizzychainsaw

"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that,while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life is the only normal one." Big Book PG xxviii

bigsombrero

THIS.

There is a certain lack of humility and self-awareness coming from Pinot's posts that makes me feel uneasy. This is not the first time I've seen this type of thing from this OP.

Good luck. I hope you can overcome your drinking issues and put alcohol behind you.

digdug

I agree the bananas comparison isn't exactly apt here.

I look at it a different way. I think of all the things that give me happiness and pleasure. Good things. Healthy things. And then I compare it to my desire to drink. So if I had to choose between either doing the things I love, or drinking, I always chose the other thing.

For example, if I had to choose between never listening to music again or never drinking, I'm picking not drinking.

If I have to choose between a healthy sexual relationship and drinking, I'm going to chose the relationship.

If I have to choose between having an amazing, fulfilling meal with friends/ family and drinking, I'm going to choose the meal.

Because to me, it really is a mutually exclusive thing. If I continue to drink, I won't have those other things. I would (and have, before) lose the opportunity if I pick up again. That is the comparison I make. It's really a no-brainer at this point.

alphaomega

I am you Point. Or should I say "was" you.

I'll tell you, I tried every tried (and failed) method at moderation out there.

And the longer between drinks, the absolute worse the withdrawals got.

Dark and frightening like I have never thought possible. And I don't watch horror movies or read scary stuff. This was Pits of Hell sort of darkness. Monsters and bugs and complete doom and gloom.

I was scared straight the last binge. I'm terrified of alcohol. Terrified of it. Not just because I'll feel panicky or sad or shakey or sick.

But because it is literally with battling me for my soul.

I will NEVER drink again. And I will NEVER change my mind.

DoubleDragons

I think your counselor was trying to show you the difference between an addiction and losing something that you really like but not feeling fear and panic and dread if you were never again able to have/eat/do whatever that is, etc. I tried to explain this to my husband and used the example "never again watching football." Now, my husband LOVES football. He grew up playing it, he was captain of his HS team, he played in college and he loves watching football games on TV whenever he can. If he could never watch football again, he might even get depressed, but he wouldn't feel that panic, fear, dread that so many of us feel with the idea of never drinking alcohol again. If you feel those feelings with the idea of never drinking alcohol again, you have to face that you are in fact, addicted to a poisonous liquid drug. Addiction is a much scarier animal and is certainly less controllable than dealing with one's intense affection for something.

Mirage74

I also think there is a tendency to want to pull people into sobriety. Someone quoted the Big Book. It also says that if you think you can control your drinking, go ahead and try. If you succeed, more power to you. Everyone must come to their own conclusion as to whether they need to quit.