iamthird, you have been through SO MUCH! It is no wonder you are feeling sad about all of this. I have been divorced for over ten years, have happily remarried, and am very good friends with my ex-husband, but I still feel sad when I think about it! And I haven't been through even a fraction of what you have.
As you embark on this next stage of your physical AND emotional recovery, I hope you will be gentle with yourself and try not to judge anything you are feeling as 'right' or 'wrong'. Marriages that end must be grieved and there is no set timeline for that. Your grieving has been interrupted and intertwined with the incredible physical struggle that you have overcome. You can feel what you are feeling without letting it take away the strength you have proven yourself to have in spades.
Sending you patience and peace.