Now that cancer is gone...

Old 10-22-2013, 06:53 AM
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Now that cancer is gone...

It has not been 2 weeks yet since I found out that i am cancer free.

Next step: I need to file for divorce. Why do I have any ambivolence in doing so? We have been separated for almost a year and a half. I actually cried last night thinking about filing.

He literally has told me has no interest in changing, getting sober, he abandoned me when I needed him the most, he has broken every marriage vow....what is wrong with me that it hurts me to finalize this? Its only a formality...Just makes me so sad!
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Old 10-22-2013, 06:59 AM
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Congratulations on your diagnosis!!

To answer your question: Nothing is wrong with you for feeling sad to finalize the divorce. Nothing would be wrong with you if you didn't feel sad.
You feel how you feel, and nothing is wrong with that.
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Old 10-22-2013, 06:59 AM
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Congratulations! How wonderful your cancer is gone! I've read some but not all of your posts and it was so sad to read you were struggling with cancer as well as heartbreak. I really felt for you.
I am so happy to hear that one hurdle has been cleared!
Should you give yourself some time to enjoy that you are now cancer free before you attack the next problem?
Enjoy it? Simply feel the happiness for awhile in your new lease on life?
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Old 10-22-2013, 07:16 AM
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iamthird, you have been through SO MUCH! It is no wonder you are feeling sad about all of this. I have been divorced for over ten years, have happily remarried, and am very good friends with my ex-husband, but I still feel sad when I think about it! And I haven't been through even a fraction of what you have.

As you embark on this next stage of your physical AND emotional recovery, I hope you will be gentle with yourself and try not to judge anything you are feeling as 'right' or 'wrong'. Marriages that end must be grieved and there is no set timeline for that. Your grieving has been interrupted and intertwined with the incredible physical struggle that you have overcome. You can feel what you are feeling without letting it take away the strength you have proven yourself to have in spades.

Sending you patience and peace.
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Old 10-22-2013, 07:21 AM
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I've been away for awhile, but have prayed for you every day.... I am so thrilled to read that the cancer is gone!!! Such wonderful news!

It's been a year and a half, what's anoher month?? Give yourself a chance to relish in this wonderful milestone before attacking another problem.

Just my two cents.

C-OH Dad
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Old 10-22-2013, 07:40 AM
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I agree with COD!
Enjoy your wonderful news.
God bless you!
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Old 10-22-2013, 08:49 AM
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Congratulations on being cancer free!!

I turned 3 years cancer free this June but my marriage has fallen apart in this time. He was supportive through chemo, my double mastectomy, and other surgeries, but when treatment was over & I got the "all clear", the support stopped. I didn't jump right back to the old, normal me, and it's caused alot of anger & resentment on his part. Now I live in a loveless marriage, and I cry every day.
Sorry I threw that vent in there, my main point was to congratulate you on being cancer free!! I hope you can take a little time to rest and let your body recover and do some things just for you hugs from a fellow survivor xoxo
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Old 10-22-2013, 09:08 AM
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Iamthird,
I am so, so, grateful to hear that your a cancer-free. You have been through so much and been impressively strong. Honestly, my heart broke for you when I would read how difficult things have been.
If you can get through that....you can get through filing for divorce. There is no decision that has to made today. Take the time you need and yes, do be gentle with yourself. Lean on us when you need to.
My day has been so brightened with this news of your recovery. I have thought of you so often and prayed for this for you.
Hugs,
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Old 10-22-2013, 09:36 AM
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Iamthird - maybe it is time to change your name to IAMFIRST. Congratulations on your news of being cancer free!!

My sister had a cancer diagnosis earlier this year. She had surgery and many weeks of radiation without the support of her AH. She is back to her busy life where she does so much for her family. I often remind her that she needs to take care of herself, take a day off (you still need to do this when you retire)!! I remind her that she still is recovering from her cancer. She said everyone else seems to have forgotten, and indeed they have.

I have some issues that I am dealing with currently that have required me to be firm in my boundaries. Amazing things happen when you get off the fence and decide how you want your life to be. With each day that I stick to my boundaries I gain strength and wisdom. My boundary is simply - I want to live a peaceful life. I choose to no longer live the crazy, insane, merry go round existence that consumed me. My boundaries have been tested to the max. I still don't know what the future holds, but what I do know is when I stick to my boundaries and willing to trust my higher power that I am utterly amazed at the results. A little willingness to trust your higher power is all He needs. It's a process. Take it slow. I urge you to focus on the life you want. I know you have been doing that. Your good results are born of your thoughts. You'll be fine!
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Old 10-22-2013, 10:57 AM
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So very happy to hear about your cancer free results!
I know you went thru a lot to be that way ~

I agree with many of the others that have suggested take a moment to enjoy that result. To allow yourself to rest emotionally ~ I can only imagine how long & stress of an emotional journey that has been.

Divorce is the same thing ~ even when you know it is the healthiest thing for you ~ It's still not easy. Trust & seek your HP's guidance as to know when it is the best time for you ~ A recent reading from Al-Anon's Courage to Change said
"God doesn't speak in code ask for clarity and then trust that you will get it when the time is right."

It still won't be easy but I truly believe your HP will let you know when you are emotionally ready to take the next step on your path ~

pink hugs
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Old 10-22-2013, 07:52 PM
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I am going to take some time and just relax!!! You guys are right!!
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Old 10-22-2013, 09:12 PM
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So glad that you are better!!!! You had and still have prayers from so many of us!

Now is the time to solidify your recovery, and that means to take all the time you need to rest and relax and rejuvenate. There is no rush to get to the divorce - - your situation with your husband sounds unpleasant and unfulfilling, but not dangerous, so you can make your move when it suits you.

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